The Bachelor Winter Games, an unsolicited cross between an athletic competition and a reality TV dating show, is here! Beautifully timed to coincide with the Winter Olympic Games, the series premiere of The Bachelor Winter Games will fill a real hole for anyone who watches the Olympics just for the hotties. Instead of feeling bad for sexually objectifying world-class athletes from your couch, you can feel bad for wasting away your one precious life binge-watching The Bachelor Winter Games.
You might try and argue that The Bachelor Winter Games is about finding true love. But it is not. Like The Bachelor’s other similarly screwed-up offspring, Bachelor in Paradise, Winter Games barely bothers with the pretense of finding a soulmate. But unlike Bachelor in Paradise, which is basically just tropical Tinder for ex-Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants, Winter Games culls its contestants from “across the Bachelor universe.” Seeing as iterations of The Bachelor can be found in “dozens of countries”—thank you, Chris Harrison, for barely skimming the Wikipedia entry for your own franchise—the powers that be have decided to jam together a bunch of fame-hungry internationals to compete in some winter sports and hopefully couple off.
How horny is this show? Well, one contestant does not speak English. Good luck to whichever producer has been charged with feeding Yuki lines about “opening up” to her would-be fiancé—because she literally does not speak English.